Happy birthday Stella!

Sweet Stella turned 4 yesterday. We celebrated a week ago with a flower-themed party, as Terry would be out of town on the actual day. I was able to talk her out of a Barbie party. It was a bittersweet day. I use that word every year to describe this time of the year. We're so thrilled that, after all we went through to have children, Stella is here with us. But we're also so sad that her twin brother Jackson is not here to celebrate with us. We sent a blue balloon up like we do every year after her party, just the 4 of us, and we talk about Jackson.

Last week in church, it was mentioned that the elders had anointed with oil someone about to undergo surgery for cancer. I got a pit in my stomach, thinking "What if we had let the elders back into the NICU, and let them anoint Jackson? Maybe that would have worked. We shouldn't have kept them in the waiting room." After church, Terry and I talked about the fact that 4 years later, I'm still trying to bargain Jackson back with God. Some part of my heart still believes I could have done something differently to change the outcome. I'm stunned that it happened to us twice.

So I write this to honor Stella Caroline and her beautiful stubborn slow-moving spirit. Seems like I spend a great deal of time trying to hurry her up - get out of the car, get into the car, find your shoes, find your shoes, where are your shoes? I know I need to slow down to her speed and enjoy the ride. Stella makes every day quite memorable. She sees the beauty in small things. She pesters the stew out of her big sister. Stella thinks up and does things Julia Rose would never dream of doing. She's a creative liar. She cuts her own hair and the manes off the My Little Ponies. I keep hiding scissors and she keeps finding them. She dances and sings nonstop. I thank God for her every day.

And I write this to remember Jackson Thayne. He was tiny, blond like his daddy, and loved to cuddle under my chin. Our time with him, one week, was way too short. And I thank God for using his short life to teach me all that He has about love. It's a lesson I'm slow at learning. But I see now that it's all about unconditional love.

My life without Terry so far

Terry went canoeing for 3 nights on the Buffalo River this week. It's his "quiet time." Since he left (or was dropped off really), I have had a short time to reflect on being a single mother. I think that is the most underrated job in the world, if you're trying to be an intentional parent, which I am.

Here's the short list: Bonnie the dog had been in the trash when we got back from dropping T off. Remember my GI system has been surgically enhanced and rerouted. There are things in the trash that don't need to be ripped apart and open, and spread around on the carpet in the office by the family dog. That was Sunday night. Monday morning, a possum, coon, or skunk had been in the trash in and around front yard. All over the drive and the neighbor's yard across the street. Monday afternoon, I took the girls to Wal-Mart. I was talking to Heather Wyatt in the toy section, when Julia Rose started shouting, "Mommy, Stella had an accident." Stella was standing in front of the princess dresses crying and had a big yellow puddle underneath her on the floor. Heather and I cleaned it up with diapers and wipes she had in her bag.

The rest of the evening and this morning were uneventful. Mercy me! Terry handles them alone much better than I do.

Happy Mother's Day

My mom's not online anymore - she gave away her computer because she never used it. Long distance is too cheap these days. So she won't see my post about her here, but I'm writing it anyway.

Today, my mom lives with both her mother (85 years old) and her mother-in-law (89 years old) in Bartlett, TN. She and my dad lived in the same house as his mother, and my father died in 2002. He was the last surviving child, so my mother cares for his mom. Then my other grandmother became unable to live alone. My mother is an only child. My sister tried to care for my Grandma Baker, but Grandma Baker is a "bit" persnickety and made life miserable for my sister and her family. So finally she agreed to stay with my mother. Thank goodness for a large enough house for all of them.

Mama is in poor health herself - diabetes and heart disease - and retired after a mild stroke last year. One grandmother is in decent physical but not mental health. The other is the opposite. Life is a constant 3-ring circus for my mother. Her phone conversations with me are filled with the insanities of the day - one grandmother telling her that she is so glad "they hired you. I might just keep you on after I get well" and the other crying because my mother threw away an empty Kleenex box (she's a full-fledged hoarder).

Hats off to you Mama. I wish I could do more, but Harding isn't moving the main campus to Memphis and y'all aren't moving here (are you?). My sister helps when she can, but she has 3 teenagers going 16 directions right now. I keep telling Mama God is trying to teach all of them something from this lesson. She's not sure what it is, and neither am I. I'm looking for my lesson out of it, too.

The end of another semester...

Been a long time since I posted something, I guess. The time from Spring Break until Graduation was packed. Haiti was quite the tame adventure and I can't wait to return next year.

I am finished. My students are finished. Twenty-three of them graduated today to become "real nurses." I'm so proud of all of them. They are scattering to the four corners of the God's earth. These women are going to move mountains and I can't wait to hear about it. Shout-outs to Lauren Crews, Jocelyn Dyer, Leah Hochstetler, Jeanne Johanson, and Jordan Yarbrough.

God has given me the privilege to know some of the brightest and most Spirit-filled students that come to Harding. I am overwhelmed sometimes with the fact that I lead them for a few hours each week, and that they listen to me and believe what I'm saying to them. At least it motivates me to prepare for class!

Congratulations to the seniors and keep in touch. I'm praying for you!